Waiting and Worrying


189174_202393676457000_1859441_nAs I sit in another hospital waiting room I am pondering all the people who are upset when they learn about how alcohol affects the developing fetus.  There has been such an uproar over the recent CDC warnings in online chats and other media.  Then there are all the hateful comments on my page recently when I discussed the need to shut down Whiteclay NE beer merchants as they are selling illegally.  I am often puzzled by this anger.

I am angry.  I am scared and I am hurting.  Sitting here waiting again to see if my child will come through surgery and what will the future be due to this surgery.  I sit here scared as he went back over 3 hours ago and still no word.  I sit here frantic.  I want to scream but really who at?  I don’t blame his birth mother as she is as affected as he is.  I don’t blame his surgeons as they always do their best.  I do blame the people who sold to his mother pregnant.  Who said she should have personal responsibility when she has none.  I guess that is where my anger goes tonight.

All his life doodlebug has fought.  His first moments were critical.  His blood alcohol was so high he didn’t even have the drive to breath.  He spent 2 months on a high frequency ventilator and when the doctors finally gave up on him and removed it he fought to prove them wrong.  He fought off death many times over the next 2 years.  We were told he would never see his first birthday.  He has fought to prove them wrong.  We recently celebrated his birthday and then he went into the hospital to have a surgery that we hoped could improve the quality and quantity of his life.  He did great.  Now 3 weeks later he is bleeding internally and I again wait.

I sometimes wish that these people who fight against us would have to have one day like this.  One day of watching a child they loved suffer and fight.  Then I realize that no my heart would never wish this on anyone else.  I would never want anyone to have to watch their child fight and sometimes lose.  I have had to watch 2 of my children lose their battles.  I pray I never see that again but know realistically that the odds are stacked against that wish coming true.  I wait as I cannot shed tears yet.  I have to stay brave for the rest of my family.  I have to tell them that it will be alright that there is no chance of anything going wrong even as my eyes watch the clock hands and know it shouldn’t be taking this long.

I posted a post about slaying dragons.  I left out that I am not alone…there are so many out there who take up the sword every day.  We are not fancy degrees…we are mothers and fathers who know that we MUST fight as we are fighting for our children every single moment of every single day.  Sometimes our arms grow weary and we pass the sword to the next parent for a day or two.  We try to rest until our arm is stronger and we can again take up the sword.  Tonight I am weary…I pass the sword on so that I can wait in this waiting room.  Tomorrow I hope I can take the sword again to give another parent a rest.  I know I am not alone in this wait as I have other parents who are in similar rooms waiting.  I think of a friend whose son is awaiting a hard diagnosis.  I know she waits.  I think of others whose children are also suffering and know they wait.

Budweiser has a new campaign of being America’s beer.  Hmmm…wow I challenge them on that.  They supply almost all of the beer sold in whiteclay.  So they have supplies most of the content that led to my son’s suffering.  The beer that breeds champions?  I doubt they would like my campaign for that as it would feature children in hospital beds.  Not sure if there would be a selling point to that.

I have had the surgeon come out and my son is being moved into intensive care soon.  He made it through the surgery.  He had an artery bleeding into his chest.  Now we will wait through the night to see if all is okay.  And then we will wait some more.  So maybe it is the beer that breeds patience.  I will think some more on the campaign I think they should have.  I do think if they want to be the beer of America they should do the most responsible thing ever and stop supplying to whiteclay.

To all the parents who wait…remember we are not alone.  Tomorrow I will take up the sword again.  Thank you for holding it while I cannot.

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About fasmom

The adoptive mom to 12 wonderful children who are affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and other issues including Reactive Attachment Disorder, bipolar, schizophrenia, CP, epilepsy and oh the list goes on...The thing is these children have taught me things about myself I never knew and would not have missed out on learning. Married to an amazing man and enjoying life on a sheep ranch.
This entry was posted in Adoption, Childhood Mental Health Issues, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Foster Care, legal system, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Waiting and Worrying

  1. laughsalot62@juno.com says:

    Prayers are with you always.Tracey

  2. Jodee Kulp says:

    I’m swinging for ya Nora

  3. I am praying for you and your son. I am also praying that the conference will be the beginning of the end!!

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