Journeys into FASD and judgment


Every day that I think that I am truly past the point of being surprised well then something new happens.  I am so blessed with the children that have been brought to our home.  I am not sure I ever could have even imagined it.  To have a child who no matter what forgives and forgets (literally)…well that is special indeed.  I love everything about my kids.  I really do but would I change that they were prenatally exposed to alcohol.  OH YES!!!  Not because I don’t love them or cannot accept them but because I have to watch the world not accept them and them know it.  I think this is the hardest thing is that they do know that they are not “fitting”.

I was recently reminded that we all fall victim to judging at times.  Even when we think we are fairly open or not judgmental at times we are the ones doing the judging.  I was talking about how well my children do now at the grocery store.  It has taken a lot to get this to happen.  I guess I am proud of this fact…maybe too proud.  I was then sharing how there was this one mom just ignoring a child who was being a monster.  Okay so apparently I am forgetting all of the trips to the store where it was my monster???  Quietly the mom I was speaking to said “well you know T is like that in the store.  He never acts like that at home but wow at the store he does.”  I felt sick.  I also was that mom before.  My judgment was that the mom was apparently doing nothing.  Hmmm…

Once on a trip to the store R informed me if I did not get her a new barbie she would make me sorry.  So I could not just be bullied like that or let her get away with it and informed her to feel free to act as awful as she wanted I would not be sorry or embarassed and no she was not getting anything.  Well she took me up on my offer and made sure to scream through the entire store.  I had to bite the inside of my mouth to ignore all the comments and stares.  I tried to get everything on my list but let’s be honest I was trying to judge what was essential versus could wait.  We got to the checkout and the poor girl was trying to hurry.  R was still sounding like a siren as she shrieked and shrieked her little lungs out.  I told the cashier to take her time we were not in any hurry.  She looked at me like I was insane.  The people behind us were commenting how R was a terrible brat.  When we left the store she started smiling that next time I would definitely get her a barbie.  When I said hmm….doubt it.  She was surprised.  I told her the only person embarassed should be you as you are who they think now is a brat.  They didn’t get to see the sweet girl.  She was so sad.  She could not understand what her actions caused.  How many people judged me that day???

I could go on and on with stories of times where our outward story was not good but what was really happening was so different.  So I need to always remember this when I feel superior to anyone else.  We need to support each other instead of judging…

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About fasmom

The adoptive mom to 12 wonderful children who are affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and other issues including Reactive Attachment Disorder, bipolar, schizophrenia, CP, epilepsy and oh the list goes on...The thing is these children have taught me things about myself I never knew and would not have missed out on learning. Married to an amazing man and enjoying life on a sheep ranch.
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