In Lakota the balance between mind, body and spirituality is very important. To be in balance is to be able to learn and see. Only those who are in balance have peace. Well I really see this. I know that the longer I am near people who are negative the more negative I feel. I begin to lose my focus and begin to see things through their eyes instead of my own. When you are a caregiver (in any capacity) for a person with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) or a person with FASD you need your positive energy. You need to see the positive outcomes and to encourage all the time. I want my children to know their true worth. Also in the Lakota culture children are the future. Any member of the tribe would die for a child. They saw their children as their greatest accomplishments. The truth is that they are. I cannot imagine anything in my life that is really more important than my marriage, my children and my family.
I have struggled lately and have not even been able to come here to write. I have seen so much judgement. I feel as though the one thing holding FASD back from ever getting anything done is the judgement and blame game. Now I am sorry but this is not just people blaming the mother. Then it goes on to blame people for their comfort level, etc. See some people during their grief period may be angry. They may go around telling others the “terrible” story of their child’s birth. So then they are judged also by others who feel they know how each person should deal with this issue. The fact is that it is a painful issue. The message that this disorder is 100% preventable is a message that continuously lays blame. I went to a conference this past week. While there I saw a woman who was crying. I walked over to give her a hug. This woman had hitchhiked the entire way to the conference from a reservation that was many hours away. She did this because she has a beautiful son who she wants the best for. She fights constantly for him. She is his first mother. She is his birth mother and she is proud of that. She cries for she is constantly judged and in the session when the statement 100% preventable was said again and again she felt judged again. How is it 100% preventable in a society that is so alcohol based? Also in a society where we struggle with the disease of alcoholism? Or the fact that we have so much misinformation?
I hope she knows that I do not judge her. She is an amazing woman, another warrior fighting for her child. I then watched as a group of people whom I have grown to love and feel closer to than many of my in real life friends struggled over the issue of how to discuss our situations. See some of us are coming into this world of FASD by surprise. It may be the adoptive family who truly had no clue that their child was exposed to alcohol in utero. They may still feel so raw and feel they need to “explain” to people as they are afraid of being judged. See we really all do want to not be thought of badly. The issue is that there shouldn’t be BLAME. It is really a fruitless thing and then we spend so much energy on trying to be correct instead of coming together to find ways to help people who have FASD. I have never known anyone braver or more full of love than my children. I hope they never know the struggles of the judgement in this.
I have felt so tired and so sad lately since having all of this negativity around. Yesterday was my son’s make a wish party. I watched him and the others enjoying the day and still felt all the stress. Then the wonderful man who is my son’s birth father came and talked of allowing myself the serenity to let it all go. So I did. I have let it all go. I cannot control others thoughts or actions. I pray some day we come together in a positive way to do something. To find a safe future for our FASD population.
Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery,
teach me how to trust
my inner knowing,
the senses of my body,
the blessings of my spirit.
Teach me to trust these things
so that I may enter my Sacred Space
and love beyond my fear,
and thus Walk in Balance
with the passing of each glorious Sun.