So back to the wonderful world of a doodlebug. For those of you who do not know I am the blessed keeper of a doodlebug. He is now 9 years old which in the projected life of doodlebugs is pretty darn old. He is a happy little bug who sees our world in ways that I wish I could. The only real issue is sometimes every day things or changes are very scary for this doodlebug. Today for school he is going on a field trip to Bear Country USA. He has gone there many times before so we did not expect it to be hard for him but this morning he began to worry. Would the bus bring him home if he went to Bear Country instead of his regular classroom? What if it was a different bus driver would they even know the way back to his house?
After the first hour of anxiety he had decided that he just could not go unless I did. There were too many variables to the trip. So after finding his trusted blanket and his soother he still thought that I needed to go or he would never make it home. The problem is that I could not go as I still have 4 kids at home and I also worried that if I started going on this soon I would have to go to school with him every day. So we then proceeded to have the bus driver explain that she is in fact who would be driving for the field trip and also that she knew he would need to have a ride home after the field trip. He left crying but he said he thought he could try.
Last night when I was trying to prepare him for this trip he began to worry. See he is a dinosaur (or he thinks he is at least until he turns 100 when he will be a dragon and be able to breathe fire) and bears do not like dinosaurs. I reminded him that the field trip is done in the bus through the park and he would only get out at the end when he would go see the baby animals and they probably didn’t know what dinosaurs were. Doodlebug only insists he is a dinosaur when he is worried or scared. I think the dinosaur can protect him or maybe I am over thinking it as often happens with doodle.
I was really upset the other day as I was feeling so stressed about so many things and then I sat down and watched doodlebug with baby J outside. They were walking in the field and talking. I walked over and realized they were looking for dinosaur tracks. They spent many hours tracking the “herd” that day and were so happy the whole time. They had created an entire story about where the herd was going and why. They weren’t worried about what might happen after this adventure or if someone was watching and thinking things about them. There was only a happy adventure. I had spent many of the hours they had enjoyed worrying over stupid things and the opinions of people. I know now that my time was seriously wasted.
When I give talks to people and talk about doodle what people normally see or hear is the medical issues or his “differences”. For some reason these differences are seen as a negative instead of as just part of him which is how we see them. Due to his exposure in utero to drugs and alcohol doodle is changed. He is sick a lot and struggles constantly with medical issues. The main issues for him is that he has not grown up mentally. So really in the picture of living with FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) is that always a bad thing? The not growing up? I know today is my birthday and I wish I wasn’t so grown up. I spent last night holding my 13 year old as he cried because he cannot be like all the other boys his age. He has grown up and it hurts all the time. I know that D has said sometimes he wishes he were doodle. He even recognizes that doodle has a freedom that the rest of us don’t. When he is worried he just becomes his dinosaur and that is that. After all who would mess with a dinosaur?