I have decided I want to be a doodle bug. He is very happy. He does not worry at all. He is able to forgive and forget in every sense of those words. In our society we look down on and even pity people we feel are “handicapped“. I guess in some ways I wonder who is the more handicapped. I lay in bed and worry about the future and so many things that I have absolutely no control over. It is such wasted time and energy.
Doodle bug is now 8 years old. He was born over 2 months early and was so sick. He beat every doctors expectations. I remember getting told over and over that he would not live past his first year. Every struggle he has had is linked back to his mothers addictions. She did not know that the addictions passed down to her from her parents would harm her child the way they have. Doodle was born with a blood alcohol level more than twice the legal driving limit. This suppressed his drive to breath after birth but the effects of the alcohol consumption prior to birth are what have catastrophically affected his life. His little developing brain was devastated due to this exposure. He has cerebral palsy, intractable epilepsy, feeding issues requiring a G-tube, cannot regulate his body temp, moderate Mental retardation, chronic lung disease and the list goes on. Those things cause him pain and surgeries he should not have had to go through. I know some of this bothers me more than it does him. I hate that he ever feels pain or sadness but the best gift he does have is he has almost no short term memory…therefore while I cry and cringe at his pain he is already forgetting it and hugging me because I am sad. “Mommy why you cry?”
So I want to be a doodle bug. I want to just go through life sure there are dinosaurs and that everyone loves you and are your friends. So I guess while I hate that his life has been forever changed I know that no part of me hates knowing this little guy and being loved by him because that is a gift above all others. We are so blessed that he is our son and we get to love him. We know his life expectancy is not long but we will enjoy each and every day. He has already proven them all wrong by living this long and I think honestly he will beat more odds before he is through.