You think you can do better, ok let’s see…


One of the hardest ever things to deal with when you are a parent of a special needs child is all the advice you receive.  It can be constant.  People who feel they could fix all the behaviors if you would only listen to them.  I remember at first this drove me crazy.  It made me feel that perhaps I wasn’t doing a good job, I mean geez strangers were noticing my deficits.  It really caused me to lose a lot of faith in myself for a while.  Then well I guess I just got sick of it.

At a very long genetics appointment Doodle bug had stayed in the chair I had asked him to stay in.  He had however not stayed in one position.  There were moments he was standing on one foot and others where he was on his head but he was always in the required chair.  I was so proud of him as his attention span is so darn short and he so often forgot what he was told.  The neuropsych seemed extremely irritated by his behavior and at the end looked at me and promptly informed me that he could take him home and have him behaving within a week.  I looked at  him and said ok see you back here in a week.  This just seemed to make him angrier.  I said you know I am extremely proud of doodle.  He did what I asked of him and only needed 3 reminders.  I am having a hard time sitting here listening to you so I imagine it is even harder for him.

Then there are the happy Wal-mart patrons who tell you if only you would “whoop” your child they would be cured.  You know my favorite was when a man walked over and informed me that if I would just give doodles a good whooping he would not be laying on the floor like he was.  I looked at him and calmly said that if I believed a whooping would cure epilepsy I might actually consider doing it.  What he had taken for a fit was in fact a grand mal seizure.  We don’t believe in whooping (or spanking) as I guess I don’t think you can beat brain damage out of a child (or anyone for that matter).  But I do think apparently the general population does think this will somehow cure FASD.  I wish!

So I guess the next time you see someone and you think you have the cure for their issues or their parenting issues stop and think.  Do you really know what is going on?  Do you know what road they are walking and do you have the right to judge it?  If not then perhaps it might be better to just leave it be and get on with your own business.  The world might be happier if you do.  At least I will be happier if you let me try to just do the best I can without all of the extra advice.  I have gotten to where I smile and offer them the chance to do better if they think they can.  No one seems to want to take me up on that offer yet though.

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About fasmom

The adoptive mom to 12 wonderful children who are affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and other issues including Reactive Attachment Disorder, bipolar, schizophrenia, CP, epilepsy and oh the list goes on...The thing is these children have taught me things about myself I never knew and would not have missed out on learning. Married to an amazing man and enjoying life on a sheep ranch.
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